It's OK - What 2016 Taught Me

It's OK- what 2016 taught me Shit happens. It's OK. If I had to summarize 2016 in 4 words, that would be it. But 4 words doesn't make a very interesting blog article how does it? So please allow me to elaborate…

We live in an extremely competitive world today. We want the best job, the best career, best of life. The best way to do this, most of us, including myself a few months ago, is to fix a goal as soon as possible, then rigorously work towards it. Nothing wrong with that. Often we have second thoughts. Changing circumstances and even changes in yourself could suggest a different path in life than the one you're walking on. Our first reaction usually is to dismiss any thoughts that will distract us and keep marching ahead, like a horse on the tracks, with side blinds on. Nothing wrong with that too, except when you start thinking that every step you take should lead to that one dream and you give no breathing space, no thinking space to figure yourself out.

Our environment while growing up establishes our image of success-a box, a square. For most of us this box may contain an immediate undergraduate degree after high school, followed by an amazing graduate position matching your degree, then a postgraduate specialization, promotion, marriage, kids, the perfect car, the perfect house, yearly vacation, the works. Nothing wrong with that. What 2016 has brought light to, for me, is that what we think we run after, what we call success is in fact happiness. We all are after happiness. You want to make that box of success work, and try hard making that square, without considering that your source of happiness may have changed into some other shape, maybe a circle. The idea of changing paths becomes so scary, as is human nature to hate change in the first place, that you disregard your new developing values. Too much vagueness here, let's look at an example, me.

I have recently completed my undergraduate degree with an accounting major. This time last year, I was 2/3rd into my degree, with one year of experience in an accounting firm. I was making my square. One more year, and I'm gonna aim for the Big 4, a year into the job will start an MBA I thought. I was about to go to Rome for an internship in accounting and that would be the ultimate experience I thought. And it was, in ways very different to what I expected. A few days back from the internship, some surprising thoughts became regular visitors. I could not stop thinking of the not for profit side of my internship experience-i was interning at the Secretariat for the economy of the Vatican City, where the project was basically to ensure that all the money meant for charity, was most efficiently used, in charity. I was fascinated by how satisfying that felt-to serve the ones in need. I started feeling uneasy.

This is not my square. I have accounting work experience in the commercial sector, not for profits probably will not take entry level graduates, even if they do their salary offer probably will not be as attractive, no no no. Not my square. Trying to now make a circle will waste all my effort I have put until now to make this square. And what if I can't even make the circle? Come on Anka, you've got to be the perfect square in the next six years. Any second thought is time wasted. This led to lack of interest and focus in my last semester. More importantly, it led to panic. All the time. Panic that I have not made a decision because my heart wants to honor new founded values which don't seem to correspond with my current path. Panic that I'll be left behind. Panic all.the time.

My supervisor was my savior. After venting out these overwhelming emotions, after saying that I know I there is so much more serious suffering a n the world and how petty I was being, she let me know, it's OK. At the age of 15 or even younger, I set out to make a square. Six years into the making, I am not sure if this is what I want to do. I still don't know. What I do know now, thanks to the numerous talks with some beautiful souls I am fortunate enough to call friends, is that it's ok.

It's ok to not have things figured out. It's ok to want to change. It's ok to indulge in self exploration. It's ok to stop running for a while. It's ok to be scared. 2016 has taught me that with time, you develop and discover your core values. When they do not match the values of your loved ones or even your old self, you think this is not ok. But guess what? It is. 2016 has taught me to be kind, first to myself to be able to be kind to others. 2016 has me patience, acknowledgement and kindness. I have never been more confused in life about my next step, but I also have never been more happy, because on life, shit happens, but it's OK.

I sincerely hope this post brought a smile to your faces. Cheers to 2016! Until next year, Anka signing off!

#AnkaExplores #itsOK #positivevibes #NY2017